Rising from the Ashes: How I Put the Shattered Pieces of my Life Back Together

shattered dreams

You may encounter many defeats, but you must not be defeated. In fact, it may be necessary to encounter the defeats, so you can know who you are, what you can rise from, how you can still come out of it” - ― Maya Angelou

Early Challenges That Shaped Me

Growing up as an only child was tough. At just three years old, I was separated from my mother and brothers. To make things worse, I was ostracized for being the preacher’s illegitimate child, leaving me feeling out of place and lonely throughout my childhood.

I carried immense shame and guilt for circumstances beyond my control. Insecurity consumed me, making it nearly impossible to form meaningful friendships. I felt like an outsider—adrift, like a ship without a sail. To avoid looking or sounding strange, I often withdrew into myself, silently questioning my very existence. Why was I brought into this world? Why am I being punished for the choices of others?

Losing my family and my identity and enduring abuse, I often struggled with despair. Yet, in my darkest moments, I found solace in music and the make-believe worlds I created in my mind—escapes that provided fleeting relief from the reality I faced.

Survival & Difficult Choices

Desperate for love, I became pregnant at just 14. My father gave me an ultimatum—either give the baby up for adoption or raise her myself. Having been discarded and rejected by my mother, I vowed my daughter would not suffer the same fate. I chose to keep her, and my father promised to help raise her.

But life at home was far from safe. My father had a habit—he would beat my stepmother after whipping me. No matter how hard I tried to stop him, my efforts were always in vain.

One day, I asked my stepmother why she didn’t leave. Her response was haunting: “Because it could be worse.” I couldn’t imagine what could be worse than the life we were already living.

Then, one night, the violence escalated. When my father began hitting her again, something inside me snapped. In a desperate attempt to stop him, I threw an iron at him. Furious, he ran to the bedroom, and I knew exactly what he was going for—his shotgun.

Without hesitation, I bolted. I flew down the stairs, my heart pounding, knowing I had just made a life-or-death decision.

Though I was still underage, I never went back. But leaving came with an unbearable sacrifice—I had to leave my daughter behind. As painful as it was, I knew that staying meant one of us wouldn’t survive.

Our relationship suffered. My daughter felt abandoned and betrayed, blaming me for leaving her with my father. Over the years, the tension between us grew unbearable. My brother often had to step in as a mediator. She later came to understand that, as a child myself, I simply didn’t have the capacity to be a mother.

But understanding doesn’t erase pain. Our fights escalated, pushing our bond to the breaking point. One day, she cursed me out, calling me a “B***.” After that, we didn’t speak for over a year.

Breaking Cycles and Rebuilding

For years, I handled conflict by cutting people off. It was my way of protecting myself, but it left too many wounds open, too many questions unanswered. I had failed my daughter in the same way my mother had failed me—and that reality did not sit well with me.

Recently, I had a conversation with my daughter about my role as a mother.

She was brutally honest: “You were horrible in your 20s and 30s.” I laughed and said, “Aren’t most adults at that age?” But I also made a promise to her—one I intend to keep.

If you ever need me, I will be here. No judgment. No criticism. Just support. The opposite of how I was treated growing up.

In a heartbreaking twist of fate, my daughter endured a similar struggle.

Her father denied paternity, and I was absent. As a result, she made a vow—she would never have children. Instead, she dedicates herself to mentoring foster kids, helping them find stability and purpose.

Healing isn’t a straight path, but I am committed to it.

Recently, I spoke with my brother about my writing on Substack. His response caught me off guard:

“Sis, I’m proud of you. Most people who went through what you did wouldn’t have survived.”

During that conversation, I learned something that shook me—my brother had never visited nor attended my father’s funeral. When I asked why, his answer was simple:

“Despite being a minister, your father was a monster; he was womanizer who abused women. I had no respect for him. There was nothing to mourn.”

Healing: A Journey Toward Redemption

Becoming a coach forced me to confront my past in ways I never had before. If I was going to help others heal, I had to start with myself.

I made it my mission to repair my relationships—with my daughter, my brothers, and most importantly, myself. It was only then that I came to a difficult but necessary realization—I was broken. And acknowledging that truth was the first step toward real change.

I embraced active listening, empathy, and nonjudgment. I focused on making amends, rebuilding trust, and nurturing the relationships I once strained. Because at the heart of a fulfilling life is human connection—the key to true happiness and abundance.

• Resilience isn’t about never falling—it’s about rising every time you do.

My journey has been painful, but it has also been transformative. And if my story can help someone else find their way, then every hardship I endured has not been in vain.

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Call to Action: Your Journey to Healing and Strength Starts Now

Your past does not define you—your resilience does.

If my story resonates with you, know that healing is possible. Breaking cycles, overcoming pain, and stepping into your power is a journey—but you don’t have to walk it alone.

💡 Here’s how you can take your first step today:

✔ Reflect – What cycles or wounds are holding you back? Write them down.

✔ Commit – Choose one small action to move forward—whether it’s setting a boundary, seeking support, or practicing self-compassion.

✔ Connect – Healing happens in community. Seek a mentor, join a support group, or share your story with someone you trust.

🔹 Want deeper guidance? If you’re ready to take charge of your healing and growth, I invite you to connect with me. As a certified executive leadership coach, I help women in non-traditional fields reclaim their power, build confidence, and break through the barriers holding them back.

📩 Schedule a Call to start your transformation today.

🌟 You are more powerful than your past. Your story is still being written. Let’s create a future that aligns with your true strength and purpose.